“Our greatest hope of self-correction lies in ensuring we are not operating in a hall of mirrors in which all we see are distorted reflections of our desires and convictions. We need a few trusted naysayers in our lives, critics willing to puncture our protective bubble of self-justifications and yank us back to reality if we veer too far off. This is especially important for people in positions of power.”
Mistakes Were Made (But Not By Me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson
You may have heard of the story of Adam and Eve, how the serpent tricked them into consuming the fruit in the garden of Eden that separated them from God's presence. Did you ever consider their rationalization of their decision? “Well, it was the serpent's fault,” said Eve. “He tricked me!” “I wouldn't have eaten it if it hadn't been for Eve,” adds Adam. What's going on? “I did something I shouldn't have,” argue Adam and Eve, “but none of it was my mistake.”
Tavris and Aronson’s book is one of the more unique books I have read. It explains how and why we justify our mistakes and are willing to go to extreme lengths to defend them to others and further convince ourselves of our right decision.
How might this look in a sports setting? Perhaps I recruit or select a player for a position because I’m convinced they are game changers. Maybe I sacrificed something to make this happen (e.g., expense, scholarship, cutting another player), so I am more heavily invested than usual. However, the player is not performing as expected. Rather than recognizing the mistake, I excuse it. I am sure this was the right call. I defend it to others. They haven’t yet settled. Give it time. They’ve had an unlucky run of form. Their teammates haven’t given them enough opportunities to be successful. Officials have robbed them time and time again. In other words, “Mistakes were made but not by me!”
How do we avoid this? How do we avoid going down the rabbit hole, which becomes one mistake that compounds into many? One suggestion by the authors is to ensure that we have voices of reason in our circle, those who might challenge our thinking and actions and tell us we are wrong. If we surround ourselves with those who think the same or those who might not be permitted to question our decision-making, we will likely continue down this destructive path.
Another suggestion is to recognize that we can and do make mistakes. All of us do. And while we may struggle to admit them, progress is made when errors are quickly rectified, not reinforced and built upon.
Ask Yourself
Do I tend to justify my decisions when questioned without considering why they are being asked?
Do those around me have the freedom to question my decision-making without fear of judgment or reprisal?
Can I recognize when someone is justifying their poor decision? What do I do about it?